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发表于 2008-2-14 19:17:21| 字数 4,791| - 中国–陕西–宝鸡 电信
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情人节礼物：离婚财务指南
转贴自 华尔街日报
2008年02月14日11:03
今天是情人节，不过我想，写写自己的离婚经验或许也不失为一个有意义的话题。
正如你相像的那样，我不属于那种经常吵吵闹闹但仍很幸福的成功婚姻，虽然我从这段婚姻中得到了一双可爱的孩子。不过，我的离婚却还算相当成功。
在离婚10年后，我和前妻莫莉虽说不上是朋友，但我们仍然需要在很多事情上一起做决定，而且做决定的时候不会恶语相向。
分手。我比较早熟，年纪轻轻就结婚生子，又在仍旧年纪轻轻的时候离了婚。我的朋友遇到离婚的问题时，常常会向我征求建议。不过，他们都不如我和莫莉做得好。
离婚似乎总是件很棘手的事。而从人们处理这件事的方式上看，大部分夫妻似乎打定了主意要让这件事变得更混乱，无论是在感情上还是经济上。实际上，我离婚的时候，有人建议我聘请一位好律师。但是，当时我身心疲惫，想到还要通过律师纠缠那些具体的细节，我不禁心生恐惧。
所以，我和莫莉决定自己协商达成离婚协议。我们结婚的时候，两人都没有什么财产，在共同生活的11年里，也没有获得任何遗产或是贵重礼物，所以问题非常简单，只要把所有的东西都一分为二就可以了。
这样，我们对房子进行估价，然后减掉尚未偿付的抵押贷款，从而计算出房屋净值。我们把银行存款和应税帐户进行的投资累加起来，并从退休金帐户中减去税款。
我和莫莉达成初步协议后，用500美元雇了一位本地的律师，他把我们的协议整理成法律文件，并帮助我们计算出抚养孩子的费用。接下来，我和莫莉分别见了各自的律师。律师花了一个小时的时间把离婚协议看了一遍，然后提出修改意见。每位律师只要200美元。
达成了离婚协议后，我从前妻手中把她分得的半套房子买了下来。莫莉随后用拿到的钱缴了附近一套房子的首付。在莫莉提出离婚3个月后，她搬出去了，我们开始了各自的新生活。
将离婚进行到底。听起来并不怎么痛苦？实际上，那是我一生中最悲惨的3个月。
不过不管怎样，我还是平和地离了婚，而且离婚后的诸多问题处理得也很不错。实际上，如果有小孩的离婚人士向我征求意见，我通常会提出五点建议。
避免在法律上针锋相对，因为这会造成两败俱伤。在协商离婚协议的时候，每一块钱的法律成本可能都意味着你要从自己的腰包中掏出五毛钱。相信我：还有更便宜的方法让你平息怒火。
前妻（夫）就住在附近看起来可能令人很不舒服。不过，如果你们有小孩的话，住的近反而意味着你与前妻（夫）碰面的机会更少，因为没有令人尴尬的接送孩子的问题──孩子们可以自己从这家走到那家。
善待前妻（夫），因为有一天你会需要她（他）的帮助。如果到了你与孩子们共度一周的时间，而你的老板对你另有安排，你可能会需要前妻（夫）帮忙照顾孩子。
如果前妻（夫）在离婚中分到的钱比你多一点儿，或是在离婚后经济状况不错，不要对此心怀怨恨。十有八九，你们的孩子才是最终的受益者。
以公事公办的态度对待与前妻（夫）的关系。忘掉过去的恩怨。不关你的事不要去理会。专注眼前的事情──抚养孩子。
即使一切顺利，抚养孩子也并非易事。各种各样的突发状况都可能发生，比如孩子的管教、早恋、令人失望的成绩单、晚上回家的时间和上哪个大学。正确处理这些事情需要父母双方的密切合作。
现在，我和莫莉一起供女儿上大学，她的学费每年近5万美元。一个人来负担这笔学费是非常困难的。现在，我们两个一起负担，还可以应付得来，而我们的女儿成了受益者。从这一点来看，我们的离婚是不是还算成功？
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附原文
A Valentine's Gift: How To Divorce The Right Way
 汉 | 大 | 中 | 小
2008年02月14日11:03
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, so I thought I would write about my divorce.
As you might imagine, the marriage wasn't what you'd call a rip-roaring success, though I did get a couple of great kids out of it. The divorce, on the other hand, has been fairly successful.
Ten years after our marriage broke up, my ex-wife and I aren't exactly friends. But we still have to make a lot of joint decisions -- and we make them without acrimony.
-- Splitting up. Being the precocious type, I married relatively young, had kids young and got divorced young. As friends have had the misfortune to follow suit, they have often turned to me for advice. None has managed to pull off what Molly and I did.
Divorce, it seems, is always messy. Yet most couples seem determined to make it even messier, both emotionally and financially. Indeed, at the time, I was advised to hire a good lawyer and duke it out. But I was already an emotional wreck, and the thought of thrashing out the details through dueling lawyers filled me with dread.
So Molly and I agreed to negotiate a settlement ourselves. Neither of us came to the marriage with much or received an inheritance or large gifts during our 11 years together, so it was a simple matter of dividing everything equally.
To that end, we valued the house, subtracted the mortgage and thereby calculated our current home equity. We toted up our bank accounts and taxable-account investments. We trimmed the value of retirement accounts to reflect the embedded tax bill.
Once we had a proposed settlement, we approached a local lawyer who, for $500, put it into legal language and helped us with the child-support calculations. Next, we each saw our own lawyer, who spent an hour going over the proposed settlement and suggesting tweaks. Each lawyer charged $200.
With settlement in hand, I refinanced what became my house. That freed up home equity that Molly then used to make a down payment on a house around the corner. Three months after she asked for a divorce, Molly moved out -- and we began our separate lives.
-- Making it work. Sound painless enough? Actually, it was the most wretched three months of my life.
But somehow, it worked -- and it has been working pretty well ever since. Indeed, if folks have children and they ask me for divorce advice, I generally offer five suggestions.
-- Avoid the legal arms race because it will hurt both of you. As you negotiate a settlement, every dollar of legal costs incurred likely means 50 cents out of your pocket. Trust me: There are cheaper ways to work through your anger.
-- Having the ex-spouse around the corner might seem uncomfortably close. But if you have children, it probably means you will see less of your former spouse. There are no awkward drop-offs and pickups. Instead, the kids just walk back and forth.
-- Maintain a reservoir of goodwill, because you'll need it. It will be your week with the kids, your boss will have other plans -- and you may need your ex-spouse to bail you out.
-- If your ex ends up with a little more money in the divorce or goes on to do well financially, don't let it eat away at you. In all likelihood, your children will be the ultimate beneficiaries.
-- Think of your relationship with your ex-spouse as a business relationship. Forget the bad blood. Ignore stuff that isn't your business. Instead, focus on the task at hand, which is raising the children.
Even at the best of times, that isn't easy. There are all kinds of issues that crop up, including discipline, teenage romances, disappointing report cards, curfews and college choices. Handling these things properly takes a lot of parental cooperation.
Molly and I are now involved in paying for our daughter's college education, which means forking over almost $50,000 a year. If either of us tried to come up with the money on our own, it would be a struggle. Between us, it's manageable -- and our daughter benefits. And isn't that the litmus test?
Jonathan Clements
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